Don’t Shame Your Children

I’ve been anxiously waiting … the latest clinic agreed to take my daughter’s case and she is waiting to hear when she’ll start the meds. Last clinic cancelled her 4 days before she was to begin the meds and now I pray it doesn’t happen again. I tell her try not to worry too much, but again feel guilty because anxiety is normal. I try to validate how she is feeling without saying “I know how you feel” because I don’t know how she feels. I only know that I pray every day there are no new surprises, that she remains strong and does not let this define who she is. That her husband learns how to deal with his feelings and can be there for my child. I know that sounds selfish but isn’t that what a spouse should do? His mother feels all this is unnecessary, that they will get pregnant if they are patient, it doesn’t matter there is medical documentation that they cannot conceive without IVF. Her constant whispering in his ear allows him to detach from the situation, to believe what she is saying, and discount the numerous doctors that have told him otherwise. So he isn’t totally vested in this and so my daughter is doing this “alone”. I don’t judge him because I don’t know what he is feeling and he is doing his best to cope with this. I do blame his mother, I spoke with her at a family gathering and again reaffirmed that they can’t do this without IVF. I asked her to just love her son, there is no blame here, please try to let them deal with this as a couple.
Her words of “encouragement” are actually her inability to believe there could be a problem. Her inability to believe is causing her son shame and embarrassment. Just love him and listen, don’t tell him is wife is a drama queen.
Her well meaning meddling is causing them to pull away and they need each other more than ever. Her selfishness, self centered attitude has not swayed.
This attitude is hard for me to understand. As a mom my job is to love and support my child, dry her tears when sad, celebrate her successes and share her happiness. Always letting her feel the power of my love. Once upon a time I could kiss all the sadness away I wish I still had that power. Until then I continue to pray.