So we are a few days out from the “big day” – the day of truth … the pregnancy blood work.Was the transfer a success ? We were feeling very optimistic and then …
the bleeding began. My daughter was told not to worry this happens in 50% of pregnancies and is more common with IVF and when more then 1 embryo is transferred.
So I begin to rationalize – Ok she had IVF and had 2 embryos transferred so ……. I should just relax but NEITHER of us can. I offer no false hopes or say things like “it’s going to be ok” as I have learned they are not helpful. I do the only thing I can do, I hold her small hand within mine and tell her I love her. I fight back tears because I want to remain strong for her and I place my insanely large sunglasses on my face and hope she doesn’t see the tears fill my eyes.
I want to fix this, I want to make it ok, but it is out of my control.
Her husband and father have suddenly taken on new roles; they are reassuring us.
Each are offering words of wisdom, facts found with the help of Dr Google and Twitter. Social media and the inernet can make the average joe appear so knowledgeable.
It is sweet to see the role reversal the men in our lives have embraced wanting to make everything better despite our fears … despite their fears. They are hoping to lessen our fears or are they trying to convince themselves not to worry?
I’m unsure which it is but I don’t look to deeply into it.
that I realize that I have to give this up to God, I can not change the outcome no matter how much I want to. I can pray over it and trust and believe He has a plan. I knew this all along but I guess I needed to drive 50 miles to come “home” to trust my roots in His higher power. I know he is on this trip with all of us as he is always along for the ride.
As I lay my head down tonight I will pray His plan brings my daughter happiness.
I won’t try to barter with God or promise extravagant changes I’ll simply give it over and trust.