Falling back onto God

So here it is fall again,
I have to be honest I wasn’t so fond of autumn for most of my life.
It was the season that saddened me; all the beautiful summer flowers would soon die, the leaves turning vibrant colors, transforming the landscape and quickly dying and becoming a nuisance as they cover the yard requiring raking.

Fall was sad because nature was preparing for Winter and with that it seemed like Mother Nature’s “gifts” were dying as she prepared. Winter is the quintessential season of barrenness. I never have and still do not like Winter

Spring is the promise of new life, trees are blooming, flowers are popping through the soil, the warm sun on your shoulders and a light breeze promising to keep you comfortable.

Summer is sunshine,  school is out and children are playing outdoors, pool parties and late nights on the deck with just the light from the citronella candles.

At some point fall stopped saddening me and became a season I enjoyed. It’s the time of the year when pumpkin spice is reborn in every way ( lattes, donuts, candles etc).
Doors become adorned with warm orange, red and yellow wreaths and scarecrows seem to move into everyone’s neighborhood with their friend the mum! It’s a beautiful color palette that brings smiles to those passing by.

 

I get sucked up in the fall decorating frenzy every year but this year it’s different.
I’m buying excessive amounts of new decorations, decorations that I already have something very similar to. Is there much difference between them?? Perhaps the new item is a shade lighter in color, maybe my fall Blessing sign has a 2 leaves and the new one has an acorn. Did I really need to buy something so similar ???

I wonder…. am I going crazy???? Spending close to $500 in three days!!!
Now some items need to be bought annually … pumpkins, corn stalks etc.
The “twinning” items ? I’m not convinced I needed to.

I can’t seem to feel happy this year and I realize the new decorations and craziness is not about “fall” it’s about the my daughter’s failed IVF cycle, finding out that neither of the 2 embryo’s transferred survived.
Fall is again leading into a long cold winter and Spring will not awaken with a baby.
All of our hearts were broken and unprepared for the news despite knowing the failure rates. Somehow those rates didn’t apply to my daughter until she was a part of those statistics. How I hate minimizing the process  just by saying those words.

As I looked at all the items I bought, signs and plaques  with..

Give Thanks!

Autumn Blessings
This house is full of Blessed people and all are welcome to enter.

I saw the common thread…
While my heart knew God has a plan and I trust and believe in Him my mind wasn’t on the same page.
Until I let my mind feel what my heart has to say… I would not be happy.

My heart lead me to items with  words of encouragement and hope to fill my shelves and walls as a reminder not to lose sight of this.

Giving thanks and acknowledging our Blessings. Now I’m convinced I needed to have these new items.. I needed to fall back onto God!

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